Meri Baatchit ..Conversations with myself

Posted: November 25, 2013 in Uncategorized

They say home is where the heart is , I wonder where mine is

I could live in four countries  and still feel home

It’s a blessing , I thank God

In the huge crowds of rushing people, I find myself lost

In the endless noise of the horns , I try to tune to the music within me

Helplessness surrounds me ,wherever I go, a hungry child rushes to me , I brush her off

Too many of them , I feel inadequate

 A battered wife by the street , stares  at me , my heart sinks

A poor street family, I get a sneak into Mother Teresas notion on poorest of the poor

My mind wonders how could so many people suffer in the hands of humanity

Just before I come to terms with it , 10,000 are dead in Philipines, We evacuated 1 million from a cyclone

May be there is hope , My day brightens a little bit

But not long enough  to last me  day, I mourn lives I don’t know, Its incomprehensible how god would let so many die of natural calamities,

How does a nation mourn 10,000 lives at once, how do they move on? Then I remember my neighbor Rwanda 800,0000

Again a lay of hope , 10,000 not too bad I guess

I remember the quote from the bible , I will never again destoy my own with water …not sure if it’s the right paraphrase but I know he promised after Noahs floods

I do remember as I read the whole old testament when I was a teenager

All but  Numbers, I chose from a young age , they were never meant for me

Few days later , comedians in church  back in my country of origin, talking all kinds of shit , Jesus would call this a market place.

Am an embarrassed christian

Nothing makes sense

Am at work,

 I try to figure out what to be excited about today sometimes small things like chocolate from one of my new recruitees excites me,

Sometimes it’s a conversation over an interview, with a stranger thousands of miles apart

My life is shaped around these, conversations.

I talk to hundreds of people, some piss me off , some mold me, some challenge me and the special ones inspire me

Every single day, I love it

And sometimes , am blank in emotions

This is a city of speed, everyone s running somewhere

Mumbai is a city of dreams , some never live to catch them

I too am chasing mine, I pray they don’t become a passing wind

I wonder how closer I got to mine , today. I feel challenged to run faster

In this marathon, forgetting yourself is as fast as the fast local train to Borivali

Av heard and read India makes you soft hearted,  to want to do things for humanity

I guess not for everyone, am becoming indifferent to many things

I can not look any more, I don’t want to look, Sometimes I want to scream and run away

Its too painful , I  cant do much. Rape, hunger, godmen that have delusioned the poor color the daily news

My collegue says,Martha dont read the magazine ,I dont listen, I read anyway , I am a conversationalist, words and information are my heartbeat

So I choose to shape my life and that of my generations

I know its selfish , but hey life is for the living

Am living mine , in the best way I know

Should I feel guilty? No Bill gates, and Oprah are doing great things and they are living great lives.So did Mother Teresa

I take a deep sigh, the sunset is spectacular

This neighbourhood is very beautiful too, clean, well kept and rich,A yellow Ferrari drives by

And my own life flashes ahead of me

All stars live here, enjoying their lavish lifestyles

Its reminds me that life is beautiful anyway, that I have lived the best I could

That I have loved and been loved by  amazing friends and family whom I would die for

I close my eyes and fall into the darkness

If tomorrow never comes, I will have lived , loved and laughed

It means everything to me

My heart is at peace

  1. batsurens says:

    Martha, it’s been a while since we met in India. And you are there again. I’ve been reading your posts on wordpress and all of them are totally nice. I love it. You say the truths and true feelings of your heart. Lovely!! Keep cool my friend! 🙂 ❤

  2. Chemoss says:

    Beautiful (teardrop)!

  3. lifedances says:

    Thanks Wes …read it once more and now I feel a tear drop too hehehe

  4. Namuli says:

    Wow!!! Great thought-provoking reflections. That my dear is why many of us love to travel. The more you travel, the more you discover different sides to the self. I love it!! The growth that comes from these experiences shape our lives in the most phenomenal ways.

  5. carolmsuper says:

    “I guess not for everyone, am becoming indifferent to many things”

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